“Pathological Demand Avoidance” or more constructively defined “Persistance Drive for Autonomy” (PDA) is known as a profile within the autism spectrum characterized by an extreme avoidance of everyday demands, including those that come from others as well as self-imposed expectations.
In my work with clients, I have observed that many people seem to struggle with the “PDA process”. People with high levels of trauma and/or with other neurodivergencies such as ADHD as well as people with other mental health struggles such as depression. This is the reason I like to define it as a process some has, rather than a fixed profile. Individuals with the PDA process, experience high levels of anxiety when they feel a loss of autonomy, leading to persistent resistance, avoidance strategies, and even extreme behaviors to regain a sense of control.
Key Characteristics of PDA
- Extreme Demand Avoidance:
- Everyday requests, such as getting dressed, attending school, or engaging in social activities, can trigger intense anxiety.
- Avoidance may manifest as negotiation, distraction, withdrawal, or even explosive reactions.
- Need for Autonomy & Control:
- PDA individuals often feel overwhelmed when they perceive expectations from others.
- They may attempt to control situations and interactions to reduce their anxiety.
- Social Mimicry & Role Play:
- People with PDA may use social strategies (such as charm, humor, or role play) to manage situations or avoid demands.
- Intense Emotional Responses & Mood Variability:
- They may experience sudden mood swings, moving from cooperative to highly resistant within moments.
- High Anxiety & Fight-or-Flight Responses:
- The demand avoidance is often rooted in severe anxiety, leading to meltdowns, shutdowns, or panic when demands persist, which is the reason people with high levels of PDA benefit from treatment of their anxiety, as with increased anxiety they experience themselves slipping into the PDA process more often. Burn-out can also lead to to an increased PDA process and lower executive functioning.
- Difficulty with Traditional Support Approaches:
- Strategies that work for other individuals who don’t have the PDA process, such as structured routines, may not be effective.
- Individuals with a PDA process often require low-demand environments, indirect communication, and collaborative approaches.
How is PDA Different from normal overwhelm?
- While many people may struggle with demands due to overwhelm and subsequent executive dysfunction, PDA is uniquely driven by a deep-rooted need to avoid demands for self-preservation.
- Unlike Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), which involves intentional defiance, PDA is driven by anxiety rather than a desire to oppose authority.
How to Support your (Inner Child) with a PDA process?
- Reduce direct demands:Reframe requests in a way that gives them autonomy (e.g., “Do you want to put on your shoes now or in five minutes?”).
- Use indirect approaches: Humor, storytelling, and role-playing can help navigate tasks without triggering avoidance.
- Give choices & control: Allowing flexibility in how and when things are done helps reduce anxiety.
- Minimize pressure & expectations: Avoid ultimatums or rigid structures.
- Emotional validation: Acknowledge their struggles without forcing solutions.
1. Make It Feel Like Their Choice
- Reframe the task: Instead of “I have to do this assignment,” they can think, “I choose to get this out of the way so I can do something I enjoy later.”
- Use rewards: Break tasks into chunks and allow themselves a reward (e.g., 20 minutes of gaming or YouTube) after completing something small.
- Personalize it: They can make boring tasks more engaging by adding his style. For example, “How can I do this in the coolest, most creative way possible?”
2. Break It Down
- Tiny steps: Instead of “Do my history project,” break it into small, achievable bits like:
- Open my laptop
- Write the title
- Find one fact
- Write one sentence.
- Small wins can reduce overwhelm.
- Use a timer: They can set a timer for short periods (e.g., 10-15 minutes of focus) followed by a short break. The pressure feels lower when they knows it’s time-limited.
3. Change the Environment
- Pick the right place: If their desk feels stressful, they can move somewhere else – like sitting on the floor or using a lap desk.
- Use background music or sounds: Lo-fi music, white noise, or a favorite playlist can make tasks feel less formal and more relaxing.
- Alternate location-based tasks: Do 10 minutes in one spot, then switch to a new one. This can reset the brain.
4. Start with the Easiest Part
- If a big assignment feels overwhelming, they can start with whatever feels easiest – like adding a title, bullet points, or quick research. Momentum builds confidence and makes bigger tasks less scary.
5. Allow ‘Gentle Pressure’ or Negotiation
- Sometimes, PDA brains respond well to doing things alongside someone, instead of alone. (“body doubling”)
- This might mean:
- You sit nearby reading or working while they do their tasks.
- A friend or sibling does homework at the same time.
- A quiet, supportive conversation about “What’s the easiest way to tackle this today?”
6. Focus on “Why It Matters to Me”
- Connecting schoolwork to something they value can help. For example:
- “If I do this, I’ll be ready for my goal of ___ (e.g., a specific dream job, a fun trip, gaming time).”
- “I’m doing this because I want to prove to myself that I can.”
- If school feels pointless, help them to see how it connects to their skills, interests, or dreams.
7. Practice Being Kind to Themselves
- Overwhelm is tough, and PDA makes it harder. Encourage them to say things like:
- “It’s okay if this feels hard right now. I’ll take it step by step.”
- “Doing something small is still progress.”
- Recognise and celebrate even small efforts – a little encouragement goes a long way.
8. Make Visual Tools Their Friend
- Create a checklist with fun symbols (like emojis) for tasks. Crossing things off feels rewarding.
- Use visuals like sticky notes or a whiteboard to see small steps at a glance.
- Turn tasks into a game: “How many steps can I complete in 10 minutes?”
9. When They Need to Pause – Pause
Pushing through overwhelm often makes PDA worse. It’s okay to:
- Take a break and return to it later.
- Step away and talk about something else.
- Work on tasks in short bursts spread out across the day.
10. Ask for Help or Flexibility
- Sometimes, they might need to tell a teacher or parent: “This feels hard right now. Can I get more time or break it into smaller parts?”
- Recognizing when to ask for help is a strength, not a weakness.
These strategies honor their need for control, reduce overwhelm, and help tasks feel less threatening. It’s about working with their brain, not against it.
References:
Sources for further investigation:
Autistic Culture Podcast with Richard Woods
